Hi everyone,
If you read the blog earlier in the week and you are working on letting things from the past go, great job!! I know this is really hard to do so keep up the good work. If you are reading the blog for the first time, you may want to go back to topic 9A before doing 9B. You can also go to any other topics that interest you, or for maximum growth, start at 1A and work your way through the topics.
I know our past issues are something we all have in common. We have all dealt with something that has affected us negatively. Our past has shaped who we are and how we react to everything. By holding onto the negative, we are letting the bad things win. Take control and decide to let them go. Most often we remember the bad that has happened and forget the good. Decide how you will let your past affect you.
For me, I grew up in a family situation that was not ideal. Without going into too much detail, there were things that happened that could definitely have a negative impact on me and my relationships with others. I have really had to work on not letting myself be the victim. Instead of holding onto the things that were negative, I have chosen to look at the good that was there. While there were bad things that happened, there were also many good things and I am not going to lose those because they are overshadowed by the negative. I can be bitter at those involved for their poor choices, or I can understand that they did the best they could. My past experiences, both the good and the bad, have made me into the person I am today so I choose to see my whole past as a good experience. I have learned so much from the negative. For everyone, this process is going to be different. Find what will work for you to move on and let the past go! You deserve a wonderful life!
Questions:
- How does your past affect you?
- Do you hold onto the negative from your past?
- What would it take for you to let it go?
- What can you do that you have control over?
- What do you need to do to see the past in a more positive light?
- What positive choices will you make today?
Fieldwork:
Think of the bad things that have happened to you. Was there any good in any of those situations? Did you learn something valuable? How can you reshape your thoughts so you are able to see things in a more positive way?
Quote: Johnny Cash-You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
8B-Be present
Topic 9A will be Let Go of the Past. Visit the blog tomorrow to get your fieldwork and questions!
If you are reading the blog for the first time, welcome! If you are a regular visitor and you did the fieldwork from topic 8A, what did you find? Where do you spend most of your time? Do you need to work on spending more time in the present?
By living more in the present, it can open us up to a more fulfilling life. We are be able to truly experience what life has to offer. Living in the present does not mean you can't set goals and have aspirations for your future and it does not mean you can't think about the past. It means you set future goals and work on those and you appreciate what has happened to you in the past but you don't dwell on things that have already taken place.
Today, I drove to Charlotte and had plenty of time to work on being more present. So often when driving I am on autopilot and I use the time in the car to plan things, go over my to do list or to think over things I have done or could have handled better. It was a constant challenge to really focus on everything going on around me and to stay in the present moment. What I noticed the most was that each time I brought myself to the present moment, I became more relaxed. When I think about the past or the future, I tend to hang onto tension and it was great to be present and let that go. Today, I saw more clouds, billboards, cars and trees than I have in a long time!!
For everyone, what you feel may be very different. By being aware and noticing how you feel, you can begin to cater your choices to what works best for you!
Questions:
Either think about the answers or journal about your thoughts.
- How can you find your balance of planning for the future and setting goals while still living in the present?
- Where do you spend most of your time? Past, present or future?
- What do you need to do to be more present in your own life?
- How can you let go of the past and realize it is over and live more in the present moment?
- Think back to at least one time today when you were truly present.
- How did it make you feel?
- How can you spend more time in that space?
Fieldwork:
8B-Really work on being more present the rest of the week. Make a choice to leave the past behind and not to spend too much time in the future. Just be 100% present. Notice the difference between when you are present and when you are being pulled one way or the other.
Bonus Challenge:
Give up one thing that is holding you back from living in the present moment. What are you holding onto and what do you need to let go of?
Quote of the week:
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
If you are reading the blog for the first time, welcome! If you are a regular visitor and you did the fieldwork from topic 8A, what did you find? Where do you spend most of your time? Do you need to work on spending more time in the present?
By living more in the present, it can open us up to a more fulfilling life. We are be able to truly experience what life has to offer. Living in the present does not mean you can't set goals and have aspirations for your future and it does not mean you can't think about the past. It means you set future goals and work on those and you appreciate what has happened to you in the past but you don't dwell on things that have already taken place.
Today, I drove to Charlotte and had plenty of time to work on being more present. So often when driving I am on autopilot and I use the time in the car to plan things, go over my to do list or to think over things I have done or could have handled better. It was a constant challenge to really focus on everything going on around me and to stay in the present moment. What I noticed the most was that each time I brought myself to the present moment, I became more relaxed. When I think about the past or the future, I tend to hang onto tension and it was great to be present and let that go. Today, I saw more clouds, billboards, cars and trees than I have in a long time!!
For everyone, what you feel may be very different. By being aware and noticing how you feel, you can begin to cater your choices to what works best for you!
Questions:
Either think about the answers or journal about your thoughts.
- How can you find your balance of planning for the future and setting goals while still living in the present?
- Where do you spend most of your time? Past, present or future?
- What do you need to do to be more present in your own life?
- How can you let go of the past and realize it is over and live more in the present moment?
- Think back to at least one time today when you were truly present.
- How did it make you feel?
- How can you spend more time in that space?
Fieldwork:
8B-Really work on being more present the rest of the week. Make a choice to leave the past behind and not to spend too much time in the future. Just be 100% present. Notice the difference between when you are present and when you are being pulled one way or the other.
Bonus Challenge:
Give up one thing that is holding you back from living in the present moment. What are you holding onto and what do you need to let go of?
Quote of the week:
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Monday, March 21, 2011
8A- Be present!
Hi everyone,
I hope you are enjoying the blog. Topic 7 leads into the topic this week. Being present. If we are not taking things personally and are not reacting personally(topic 7), we are on our way to handling things in the present. This week we will look at how we can live more in the present moment. If we can live in the present, the past won't interfere with how we react to situations and the future will not occupy an excess amount of our time. We will find our perfect balance between the three.
By being present, we allow ourselves to just feel our most current feelings and we are not dragged down by things we should have done or things we need to do. We don't react based on past feelings or emotions and we don't spend our time thinking about things we wish we would have done or things we could have handled differently.
When I think back to the times I have enjoyed the most, whether with kids, family or friends, it is the times I am most present that stand out as the best for me. I am truly able to enjoy myself the most when I just let myself be in the moment. When I leave behind the things I should have done or the things I need to do, the present is perfect!
For me the "present" is my gift to myself. I was thinking through the times when I am most present. It is when I am cooking dinner and trying to get everything on the table at the same time or when I am writing my blog or mountain biking. These are gifts to me that help me find more of myself in my everyday life. One of my favorite activities that really keeps me in the moment is yoga. When I am in class, I am able to focus solely on what I am doing in the moment, and I can leave everything else at the door. What do you have that allows you to be truly present?
Many of the weekly topics are really hard to make a part of your life, but if you do it, it can really make a huge difference in your overall happiness. What type of life do you want?
After writing this blog, I realize I am not always as present with my kids as I want to be. This week, I am going to focus on really letting everything else go when I am with them. I am going to be more present in those moments because they are the ones that matter most and the ones I enjoy the most!
Questions:
Either think about these questions or spend some time journaling about them.
- When do you have the most fun?
- Are you in the past, present or future?
- How much time do you spend replaying things you have done?
- How much time do you spend planning for things you need to do?
- How does it feel when you are not in the present moment?
- What can you do to be more present?
- How much time do you spend in the past and future? In the present?
- Do you feel you have a good balance?
Fieldwork:
8A- Look at different situations this week and notice if you are in the past, present or future? How can these situations improve if you are more in the present?
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
I hope you are enjoying the blog. Topic 7 leads into the topic this week. Being present. If we are not taking things personally and are not reacting personally(topic 7), we are on our way to handling things in the present. This week we will look at how we can live more in the present moment. If we can live in the present, the past won't interfere with how we react to situations and the future will not occupy an excess amount of our time. We will find our perfect balance between the three.
By being present, we allow ourselves to just feel our most current feelings and we are not dragged down by things we should have done or things we need to do. We don't react based on past feelings or emotions and we don't spend our time thinking about things we wish we would have done or things we could have handled differently.
When I think back to the times I have enjoyed the most, whether with kids, family or friends, it is the times I am most present that stand out as the best for me. I am truly able to enjoy myself the most when I just let myself be in the moment. When I leave behind the things I should have done or the things I need to do, the present is perfect!
For me the "present" is my gift to myself. I was thinking through the times when I am most present. It is when I am cooking dinner and trying to get everything on the table at the same time or when I am writing my blog or mountain biking. These are gifts to me that help me find more of myself in my everyday life. One of my favorite activities that really keeps me in the moment is yoga. When I am in class, I am able to focus solely on what I am doing in the moment, and I can leave everything else at the door. What do you have that allows you to be truly present?
Many of the weekly topics are really hard to make a part of your life, but if you do it, it can really make a huge difference in your overall happiness. What type of life do you want?
After writing this blog, I realize I am not always as present with my kids as I want to be. This week, I am going to focus on really letting everything else go when I am with them. I am going to be more present in those moments because they are the ones that matter most and the ones I enjoy the most!
Questions:
Either think about these questions or spend some time journaling about them.
- When do you have the most fun?
- Are you in the past, present or future?
- How much time do you spend replaying things you have done?
- How much time do you spend planning for things you need to do?
- How does it feel when you are not in the present moment?
- What can you do to be more present?
- How much time do you spend in the past and future? In the present?
- Do you feel you have a good balance?
Fieldwork:
8A- Look at different situations this week and notice if you are in the past, present or future? How can these situations improve if you are more in the present?
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Thursday, March 17, 2011
7B- Don't take things personally.
For topic 7A we discussed how to avoid taking things personally. So, if we should not take things personally when others do them because they are handling things based on their own life, we should be able to understand that we handle things based on our own lives and we may react a certain way because of past situations. For topic 7B, let's look at how we can approach each situation for only what it is and leave any negative messaging out of our reactions. Let's not react personally either.
Can we try to remove any old feelings and only react to the issue showing up? I know this is hard, but if we can begin to just react instead of handling things based on our past, we can work through things more quickly and with less stress and energy. The messages we have heard over and over play into how we handle everything. If the messages others sent made us feel lazy, stupid or inadequate then we may react based on those old feelings. Whatever the messages are, we can control their effect on us and our actions. By letting go of the old messages and knowing what is great about us, we can change our internal messaging and how we handle things in the future.
For me, I sometimes look back at situations and wonder why I reacted a certain way. What did it bring up for me and why did it seem so much bigger than it really was? Many times, I find my reaction is truly about something else going on and may not even be about the current situation at all. I find if I have time to sit with a situation before responding and can think about what I am feeling and why, it really helps me react more accurately. What will work for you?
I know I don't give many solutions when you read the blog, but remember, coaching is about you finding your own answers. You know what you need inside of you and I want to bring up things that help you question what you are doing and why. I want you to come up with the right way to do things for you. You may be doing certain things perfectly and you may need to work on certain things more. You need to find your own truth and your own path. You need to find what fits best in your life, for you!
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Questions:
- How do you react to situations that are stressful or emotional?
- Do old feelings or emotions play into those reactions?
- How can you react to just the situation at hand without bringing in past feelings or emotions?
- What messages do you hang onto that affect how you see yourself?
- Are these messages accurate?
- How can you change the messages that are not true?
- Can you be more aware of how you react so you can see what you may need to work on?
- What do you need to let go of so you can react solely based on the situation at hand?
- How would it feel to let it go?
- When will you let go?
Fieldwork:
7B- Notice how you react to situations that are a challenge. Do you feel angry, judged, inadequate or what? Why do you feel that way? Take a conscious step to react differently the next time something comes up for you or the next time someone does something that would normally make you react in a negative way.
7A- When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they are doing what they are doing. Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person, not you!
Topic 7 Bonus Challenge:Let something go that you have been holding onto. Realize the person you are holding it against did not do it intentionally. Let them own it. It is their issue to own, not yours!
Quote:Don Miguel Ruiz- Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally....Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
Can we try to remove any old feelings and only react to the issue showing up? I know this is hard, but if we can begin to just react instead of handling things based on our past, we can work through things more quickly and with less stress and energy. The messages we have heard over and over play into how we handle everything. If the messages others sent made us feel lazy, stupid or inadequate then we may react based on those old feelings. Whatever the messages are, we can control their effect on us and our actions. By letting go of the old messages and knowing what is great about us, we can change our internal messaging and how we handle things in the future.
For me, I sometimes look back at situations and wonder why I reacted a certain way. What did it bring up for me and why did it seem so much bigger than it really was? Many times, I find my reaction is truly about something else going on and may not even be about the current situation at all. I find if I have time to sit with a situation before responding and can think about what I am feeling and why, it really helps me react more accurately. What will work for you?
I know I don't give many solutions when you read the blog, but remember, coaching is about you finding your own answers. You know what you need inside of you and I want to bring up things that help you question what you are doing and why. I want you to come up with the right way to do things for you. You may be doing certain things perfectly and you may need to work on certain things more. You need to find your own truth and your own path. You need to find what fits best in your life, for you!
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Questions:
- How do you react to situations that are stressful or emotional?
- Do old feelings or emotions play into those reactions?
- How can you react to just the situation at hand without bringing in past feelings or emotions?
- What messages do you hang onto that affect how you see yourself?
- Are these messages accurate?
- How can you change the messages that are not true?
- Can you be more aware of how you react so you can see what you may need to work on?
- What do you need to let go of so you can react solely based on the situation at hand?
- How would it feel to let it go?
- When will you let go?
Fieldwork:
7B- Notice how you react to situations that are a challenge. Do you feel angry, judged, inadequate or what? Why do you feel that way? Take a conscious step to react differently the next time something comes up for you or the next time someone does something that would normally make you react in a negative way.
7A- When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they are doing what they are doing. Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person, not you!
Topic 7 Bonus Challenge:Let something go that you have been holding onto. Realize the person you are holding it against did not do it intentionally. Let them own it. It is their issue to own, not yours!
Quote:Don Miguel Ruiz- Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally....Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
Monday, March 14, 2011
7A-Don't take it personally!
The topic this week is don't take it personally.
A while back, I read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and one of the four agreements is not taking things personally. By adapting this thought process, it allows us to be more accepting of others and their actions and it allows us to handle situations in a more understanding way It sounds pretty simple, but to break the messages we play over and over again when something happens to us, is easier said than done.
Not long ago, I had two upsetting situations show up in my life one right after the other. Normally, I would have harped on the fact that I could not believe how these two people were treating me and it would have really taken an emotional toll on me as well. I took this lesson about not taking things personal to heart and I decided to approach both situations differently. I was able to remove my feelings from these situations and this allowed me to handle my emotions in a more effective way. Instead of feeling attacked and reacting, I was able to understand that maybe this was not really about me at all. This was something these two people were dealing with based on their own lives and insecurities and they had to own that, not me.
It was very freeing for me to be able to let it go. Most people may not even realize the effects of their actions on others and if we hold onto everything, we are the ones with extra stress and anxiety. When I first started using this approach, it was something I had to consciously think about and process. Now, it is much easier to see what someone else must be going through or what has happened in their past to make them react a certain way. This has allowed me to give others the benefit of the doubt and realize that most people really do have good intentions and they are not out to hurt others.
This week really try to see others as reacting based on their own story and not as being out to get you. Don't take it personally, let it go!!
Questions:
Either journal about these questions or think through each one:
-Do you take things personally?
-Why?
-How do you feel when someone gets upset or mad at you?
-How do you feel when someone does something to you that is upsetting?
-Do you place blame when situations like this arise?
-How can you take a step back and allow someone to deal with things based on their life and not take it personally?
-Can you give that person a break and realize the situation is more about them and their issues, not you?
Fieldwork:
When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they may be doing what they are doing. Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person not you!
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
A while back, I read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and one of the four agreements is not taking things personally. By adapting this thought process, it allows us to be more accepting of others and their actions and it allows us to handle situations in a more understanding way It sounds pretty simple, but to break the messages we play over and over again when something happens to us, is easier said than done.
Not long ago, I had two upsetting situations show up in my life one right after the other. Normally, I would have harped on the fact that I could not believe how these two people were treating me and it would have really taken an emotional toll on me as well. I took this lesson about not taking things personal to heart and I decided to approach both situations differently. I was able to remove my feelings from these situations and this allowed me to handle my emotions in a more effective way. Instead of feeling attacked and reacting, I was able to understand that maybe this was not really about me at all. This was something these two people were dealing with based on their own lives and insecurities and they had to own that, not me.
It was very freeing for me to be able to let it go. Most people may not even realize the effects of their actions on others and if we hold onto everything, we are the ones with extra stress and anxiety. When I first started using this approach, it was something I had to consciously think about and process. Now, it is much easier to see what someone else must be going through or what has happened in their past to make them react a certain way. This has allowed me to give others the benefit of the doubt and realize that most people really do have good intentions and they are not out to hurt others.
This week really try to see others as reacting based on their own story and not as being out to get you. Don't take it personally, let it go!!
Questions:
Either journal about these questions or think through each one:
-Do you take things personally?
-Why?
-How do you feel when someone gets upset or mad at you?
-How do you feel when someone does something to you that is upsetting?
-Do you place blame when situations like this arise?
-How can you take a step back and allow someone to deal with things based on their life and not take it personally?
-Can you give that person a break and realize the situation is more about them and their issues, not you?
Fieldwork:
When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they may be doing what they are doing. Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person not you!
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
Monday, March 7, 2011
6A/6B- Tolerations
The upcoming topic will be "Don't take things personally"! I hope you will check back this week to see more!
This week the topic is Handling Tolerations. I am going to combine the blog posts this week so there will not be an additional post about Tolerations on Thursday. The fieldwork and challenge information are all going to be posted today too, so come back and work through things at your own pace.
After the last few weeks of working really hard on ourselves, this week I want to do something a little more simple but equally as important. We are going to work on clearing up tolerations from our lives.
Tolerations are the small things we keep pushing aside and not taking care of. They end up taking much more time and energy than they deserve. If we handle things right away, how much time, space and energy would we free up?
By not handling things right away, we end up wasting more time and energy on things than we need to. For example, when the mail comes do you go through things right away or do you make a couple of stacks then go through it and move a few things to another stack then finally get to the final stack and handle things? How many times do you touch each piece of mail before taking care of it? How much time and energy have you spent thinking about it, moving it and finally taking care of it? How much time and energy would it take to touch it once and be finished with it?
This is just one example of dragging out something and allowing it to become a toleration. Tolerations are things like household chores or repairs, your to-do list, or anything you are procrastinating about. What do you have on your list that you need to take care of right now?
Questions:
6A
Either journal about these questions or spend some time thinking about each one.
-What are you tolerating in your life?
- What does it feel like to have things in your life you know you need to take care of?
- How will it feel to take care of these tolerations?
6B
- Do you handle things immediately or wait until the last minute?
- How can you be more proactive?
- What will it feel like to take care of your tolerations before they drag you down?
- What will it feel like to not have any tolerations?
Fieldwork 6A:
List 10 things you are currently tolerating and take care of those items.
Fieldwork 6B:
When things show up in your life, start to take care of them more quickly. Don't let the list build up once you have taken care of your tolerations. Handle things one time if possible. If you did not complete your 10 items from 6A or if you list was longer, take care of those tolerations and any additional tolerations you may have.
Bonus Challenge topic 6-
Begin to notice the difference you feel when you take care of your tolerations. What does it feel like to take care of items you have been avoiding? How can you avoid having another list of tolerations in the future?
Quote: Thomas Jefferson- Never put of till tomorrow what you can do today.
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
This week the topic is Handling Tolerations. I am going to combine the blog posts this week so there will not be an additional post about Tolerations on Thursday. The fieldwork and challenge information are all going to be posted today too, so come back and work through things at your own pace.
After the last few weeks of working really hard on ourselves, this week I want to do something a little more simple but equally as important. We are going to work on clearing up tolerations from our lives.
Tolerations are the small things we keep pushing aside and not taking care of. They end up taking much more time and energy than they deserve. If we handle things right away, how much time, space and energy would we free up?
By not handling things right away, we end up wasting more time and energy on things than we need to. For example, when the mail comes do you go through things right away or do you make a couple of stacks then go through it and move a few things to another stack then finally get to the final stack and handle things? How many times do you touch each piece of mail before taking care of it? How much time and energy have you spent thinking about it, moving it and finally taking care of it? How much time and energy would it take to touch it once and be finished with it?
This is just one example of dragging out something and allowing it to become a toleration. Tolerations are things like household chores or repairs, your to-do list, or anything you are procrastinating about. What do you have on your list that you need to take care of right now?
Questions:
6A
Either journal about these questions or spend some time thinking about each one.
-What are you tolerating in your life?
- What does it feel like to have things in your life you know you need to take care of?
- How will it feel to take care of these tolerations?
6B
- Do you handle things immediately or wait until the last minute?
- How can you be more proactive?
- What will it feel like to take care of your tolerations before they drag you down?
- What will it feel like to not have any tolerations?
Fieldwork 6A:
List 10 things you are currently tolerating and take care of those items.
Fieldwork 6B:
When things show up in your life, start to take care of them more quickly. Don't let the list build up once you have taken care of your tolerations. Handle things one time if possible. If you did not complete your 10 items from 6A or if you list was longer, take care of those tolerations and any additional tolerations you may have.
Bonus Challenge topic 6-
Begin to notice the difference you feel when you take care of your tolerations. What does it feel like to take care of items you have been avoiding? How can you avoid having another list of tolerations in the future?
Quote: Thomas Jefferson- Never put of till tomorrow what you can do today.
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
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