Something I have been paying attention to lately is how my expectations affect the situations in my life. If I come into a situation with any preconcieved expectations, when things don't go the way I have worked out in my head, I get upset or frustrated. I have a hard time just letting things play out the way they should and I find I spend time in advance thinking about how I want things to happen. I especially notice it with my kids, but I do it with other people and in other situations too.
Here is a prime example. When my kids get off the bus, I have expectations that homework and dinner time will be happy and fulfilling and not filled with stress. Really, no laughing;) When reality sets in and things start to go differently, I find this makes me frustrated. My reactions become more about what is happening differently than I planned instead of about what is really going on. When I am able to know that things are going to unfold however they will unfold and I quit trying to plan it all ahead, I become more present and I am able to actually enjoy homework time(or at least appreciate the learning going on).
I hope you can see that by shifting our thoughts, we can change everything about the situation. If you have times when you are frustrated or angry, ask yourself if it is because you wanted things to go differently than they did? If you notice this happening, try to let go of your expectations and open yourself up to the moment!
Questions:
- Do you have times when you set expectations?
- When do you set the most expectations for yourself and others?
- When are you most angry or upset?
- Could this be caused by having expectations about what you want to happen?
- How does it affect you when things don't go as planned?
- Is there a way to approach situations without a preplanned agenda?
- How would it feel to open yourself up to just letting the situation unfold?
- Is there a way for you to do this?
Fieldwork:
This week, try to let go of your expectations. Find at least one situation that normally gets the best of you and realize what expectations you are holding onto about this event. Let things unfold naturally and appreciate just being in the moment instead of planning it all ahead.
Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye
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