Thursday, March 17, 2011

7B- Don't take things personally.

For topic 7A we discussed how to avoid taking things personally.  So, if we should not take things personally when others do them because they are handling things based on their own life, we should be able to understand that we handle things based on our own lives and we may react a certain way because of past situations.  For topic 7B, let's look at how we can approach each situation for only what it is and leave any negative messaging out of our reactions.  Let's not react personally either.

Can we try to remove any old feelings and only react to the issue showing up?  I know this is hard, but if we can begin to just react instead of handling things based on our past, we can work through things more quickly and with less stress and energy.  The messages we have heard over and over play into how we handle everything.  If the messages others sent made us feel lazy, stupid or inadequate then we may react based on those old feelings.  Whatever the messages are, we can control their effect on us and our actions.  By letting go of the old messages and knowing what is great about us, we can change our internal messaging and how we handle things in the future.

For me, I sometimes look back at situations and wonder why I reacted a certain way.  What did it bring up for me and why did it seem so much bigger than it really was?  Many times, I find my reaction is truly about something else going on and may not even be about the current situation at all.  I find if I have time to sit with a situation before responding and can think about what I am feeling and why, it really helps me react more accurately.  What will work for you?

I know I don't give many solutions when you read the blog, but remember, coaching is about you finding  your own answers.  You know what you need inside of you and I want to bring up things that help you question what you are doing and why.  I want you to come up with the right way to do things for you.  You may be doing certain things perfectly and you may need to work on certain things more.  You need to find your own truth and your own path.  You need to find what fits best in your life, for you!

Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye

- How do you react to situations that are stressful or emotional?
- Do old feelings or emotions play into those reactions?
How can you react to just the situation at hand without bringing in past feelings or emotions?
- What messages do you hang onto that affect how you see yourself?
- Are these messages accurate?
- How can you change the messages that are not true?
- Can you be more aware of how you react so you can see what you may need to work on?
- What do you need to let go of so you can react solely based on the situation at hand?
- How would it feel to let it go?
- When will you let go?  

7B- Notice how you react to situations that are a challenge. Do you feel angry, judged, inadequate or what? Why do you feel that way? Take a conscious step to react differently the next time something comes up for you or the next time someone does something that would normally make you react in a negative way.

7A- When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they are doing what they are doing. Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person, not you!

Topic 7 Bonus Challenge:Let something go that you have been holding onto. Realize the person you are holding it against did not do it intentionally. Let them own it. It is their issue to own, not yours!
Quote:Don Miguel Ruiz- Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally....Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.

Monday, March 14, 2011

7A-Don't take it personally!

The topic this week is don't take it personally.

A while back, I read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and one of the four agreements is not taking things personally.  By adapting this thought process, it allows us to be more accepting of others and their actions and it allows us to handle situations in a more understanding way   It sounds pretty simple, but to break the messages we play over and over again when something happens to us, is easier said than done.

Not long ago, I had two upsetting situations show up in my life one right after the other.  Normally, I would have harped on the fact that I could not believe how these two people were treating me and it would have really taken an emotional toll on me as well.  I took this lesson about not taking things personal to heart and I decided to approach both situations differently.  I was able to remove my feelings from these situations and this allowed me to handle my emotions in a more effective way.  Instead of feeling attacked and reacting, I was able to understand that maybe this was not really about me at all.  This was something these two people were dealing with based on their own lives and insecurities and they had to own that, not me.

It was very freeing for me to be able to let it go.  Most people may not even realize the effects of their actions on others and if we hold onto everything, we are the ones with extra stress and anxiety.  When I first started using this approach, it was something I had to consciously think about and process.  Now, it is much easier to see what someone else must be going through or what has happened in their past to make them react a certain way.  This has allowed me to give others the benefit of the doubt and realize that most people really do have good intentions and they are not out to hurt others.

This week really try to see others as reacting based on their own story and not as being out to get you.  Don't take it personally, let it go!!

Either journal about these questions or think through each one:
-Do you take things personally?
-How do you feel when someone gets upset or mad at you?
-How do you feel when someone does something to you that is upsetting?
-Do you place blame when situations like this arise?
-How can you take a step back and allow someone to deal with things based on their life and not take it personally?
-Can you give that person a break and realize the situation is more about them and their issues, not you?

When someone does something to you, try to realize they are doing it based on their life and their situation and it may not really be about you at all.  Try to understand where they are coming from and why they may be doing what they are doing.  Let the next situation that would normally upset you be about the other person not you!

Enjoy the journey!
Coach Gaye